Why the First Month of Preschool Is a Big Adjustment for Parents Too

We spend weeks preparing our children for their first day of preschool. We practise goodbyes, visit the classroom, pack comfort items. But what rarely gets discussed is how profoundly this transition affects us as parents. That lump in your throat during drop-off? The compulsion to check your phone constantly? The unexpected tears when you see your child’s empty high chair at lunch? You’re not alone, and you’re not overreacting.

Parents, too, experience significant anxiety when separating from their young children for preschool. It’s a recognised phenomenon that deserves the same attention we give to our children’s adjustment. Understanding why this transition feels so challenging can help you navigate it with greater ease and self-compassion.

Why This Feels Different From Other Separations

You’ve probably left your child with grandparents or a trusted babysitter before. So why does preschool feel exponentially harder? The answer lies in what this transition represents.

You’re not just leaving your child for a few hours. This time, it’s representative of you sharing them with the world for the first time in a sustained, ongoing way. For years, you’ve been the primary person shaping their days, responding to their needs, making decisions about their wellbeing. Now teachers will comfort them when they’re upset. Friends will make them laugh. A whole social world will unfold that you’re not part of. That’s a profound shift that happens almost overnight.

Psychologists call this a role transition, which sounds clinical but simply means you’re moving from one version of parenthood to another. Your child is physically absent for large chunks of the day, yet psychologically still very much occupying your thoughts. That disconnect takes time to resolve, and the adjustment doesn’t follow any neat timeline.

What’s Happening in Your Body

From an evolutionary perspective, we are wired to respond strongly to being separated from our young, which helps explain why drop-offs can feel so intense. Your body is responding to separation as if it’s a genuine threat, because historically, young children separated from caregivers faced real danger. Your nervous system hasn’t quite caught up to the reality of regulated preschools and trained educators.

This can explain the trouble concentrating at work, or why you might startle every time your phone buzzes with a potential message from school. The tension headaches that develop during that first week are also legitimate stress responses. Most parents see these physical symptoms let up after four to six weeks as their nervous system recalibrates to the new normal. And as you start to notice your child thriving, you’ll feel more at ease leaving them in capable hands.

The Cultural Weight We Carry

Living in Singapore adds another layer of complexity to this transition. Many of us grew up with powerful messages about mothers being primary caregivers, but at the same time, we also inhabit a society with high workforce participation and an emphasis on early childhood education. These competing expectations create tension that’s difficult to articulate.

You might feel guilty about sending your child to preschool even though you genuinely believe it benefits them. Or you might feel pressure from relatives who think children should stay home longer, while your peers all started preschool at two. Within Asian parenting cultures, intensive caregiving ideologies have remained potent forces, which can create internal conflict for many parents navigating this milestone.

Here, recognising which feelings stem from your actual values and which come from external expectations you’ve absorbed without realising it can help.

When Your Own School Memories Surface

Something curious often happens during your child’s preschool transition. Your own childhood experiences suddenly feel very present, even if you haven’t recalled them for decades. If you carry difficult memories of school, feeling lonely on the playground or struggling to make friends or encountering a teacher who was unkind, those old feelings can resurface with surprising intensity.

Even positive school memories can complicate matters. You might find yourself projecting expectations onto your child’s experience that don’t align with their reality. Perhaps you loved group activities, but your child is more reserved. Perhaps school felt like liberation to you, but your child prefers routine and closeness. It’s natural for your own memories to come up, but try to let your child experience school in their own way. They benefit most when they have the freedom to explore and grow without being shaped by your past.

The Adjustment Isn’t Linear

It happens—just when you think you’ve turned a corner, something changes. Maybe your child has a difficult day that reignites all your worries. Maybe you have an unexpectedly emotional moment during drop-off three weeks in, catching yourself completely off guard. Progress rarely follows a straight line.

Many parents continue experiencing elevated anxiety beyond the initial adjustment period. This happens particularly if they’re juggling other stressors or if their child is having a harder time settling in. If your anxiety isn’t improving after two months, or if it’s significantly interfering with your daily functioning, remember that reaching out for support is a sign of resourcefulness.

We encourage parents to talk openly with our teachers at Junior Champs, where we’re always ready to listen, answer questions, and provide guidance to make the transition easier for both you and your child.

What Actually Makes a Difference

That said, building a relationship with your child’s teachers helps more than almost anything else. When you trust the people caring for your child, and when they keep you informed about how your child is genuinely doing, your anxiety has less space to spiral. It’s well-documented that parents who communicate regularly with educators experience faster reductions in separation anxiety.

Connecting with other parents going through the same transition helps too. For example, hearing that someone else has also paused to collect themselves in the car park after drop-off can normalise your experience. You realise these feelings don’t signal something wrong, and show that you’re perfectly human. 

One more thing that helps is asking for updates based on actual behaviour, not your fears. Your child might cry when saying goodbye, but be happily playing ten minutes later. Getting a quick photo or brief message from teachers shows you the reality of your child’s day. Believe it or not, this is often far calmer than what your anxiety conjures.

What You’re Really Doing

A transition is often seen as your child learning to manage without you, but in reality, you’re also learning to share your child with others, to trust them in someone else’s care, and to hold space for the fact that they’re becoming their own person. That’s monumental work.

Some days will flow smoothly, but others will feel harder than they should. Through it all, remember that adjustment takes time for everyone, and your feelings are as valid as your child’s. You’re both finding your way through unfamiliar territory, just in different ways.

Moving Forward Together

The first month of preschool reshapes your entire family dynamic. At Junior Champs, we’ve walked hundreds of families through this transition, and we know that parents need support just as much as children do. Our teachers recognise the signs of parental adjustment because they’ve seen it before, and they’re skilled at building the trust that makes separation easier for everyone.

Questions about how your child is really doing? Concerns about whether they’re eating or playing with others? We’re here for those conversations, as many as you need. This milestone deserves patience, understanding, and partnership. We’d love to be part of your support system through it.

Get in touch with our team.